Can We Be In the Same Group?

A couple weeks ago, I went to a parent meeting for Cub Scouts with another mom. Growing up with all sisters, I really had no idea of what goes on with Cub Scouts.  I'd just assumed it probably had something to do with camping, tying knots and earning badges.  I went to the parent meeting.  Two meetings a month.  An hour each meeting.  One for the pack (all ages) and one for their grade level.  Parents must accompany them.  Whole families are welcomed so if siblings want to come, the more, the merrier, was what the troop seemed to say.  Sounds great to me.

"It's kind of presumptious that they expect us to join when we haven't even met their kids," the other mom told me.  "What do you mean?"  I guess I was a little dense.  I didn't realize she meant she wanted to make sure the troop had "good" kids.  Eventually, she decided not to join this particular group, but for other reasons.

For me, I guess I had looked at it a little bit differently.  All the parents seemed like nice, responsible people.  Heck, if the parents' idea of a good time on Friday night is to go to a Cub Scout meeting with their whole family at a church, it's safe to say that their sons are probably upstanding citizens.  I don't think there is much room for a bully (at least not with their parents around).

I guess my friend's comment bothered me because I am fearful my sons are the "bad" kids.  It's hard enough to see children shy away from mine because of their autistic behaviors.  But to think that parents would also disapprove of their children being in the same group as mine goes to a whole new level.

No, I haven't been told or heard comments from parents about S and N.  But sometimes I wonder.  When we try to meet with other families with kids the same age and they don't seem interested.  Or when parents talk about being happy that their children are starting to hang out with the smart/cool/athletic kids.  I know I should be happy for them, but I guess it only reminds me that my kids are not the smart/cool/athletic kids that they're talking about.  It feels like groups and reputations are forming and I am panicking because again, my kids are lacking in people's eyes.

I think about my own preferences for who I want my kids to hang out with.  Though part of me wants to say "anybody,"  I know that is not true.  I think, my only wish is that their peers be...kind.  The type of kids I want S and N to be around do not have to be the top of their class or the most coordinated.  Just kids that will treat others well.  No matter the others' ethnicity, beliefs, physical looks or speech.  No bullying or belittlement against my sons or any one else. 

What do you think?  Do you think that is too much for me to ask?